Boba and The Rain

Am I sad because it’s raining? Or is it raining because I’m sad? Who knows? It would be funny if the weather revolved around me, some Weathering With You type beat. Or at least, I wished it was, because in Weathering With You, the characters actually fell in love and lived happily ever after. 

It’s been three minutes past our meeting time. He was the one who chose this location and time. I mean I don’t mind GongCha at all. But, still, he was the one who decided. So, shouldn’t he be more punctual? Maybe it's the rain. I looked out the window. People rushed to get to their next location because they didn’t want to get wet. Cars were shoving water onto the sidewalk. Yet, all of this seemed to happen so slowly. Any noise was drowned out by the rain. Whatever, I thought to myself. I took another sip of my comforting brown sugar milk tea with fruit popping bubbles.

Ding ding. I looked up from my drink. It’s him. I took a long breath without noticing. We made eye contact but it was awkward. Funny how this same eye contact a week ago would’ve resulted in both of us smiling. Things changed so fast I could barely keep up. He approaches. My heart beats. He comes even closer. My heart beats even louder.

“Hi.” Eun whispered. His eyes purposefully did not match mine.

“Hey, Eun. Wh-what’s up?” I looked away as I replied. Who knew looking at someone who was holding you just a week ago could be so hard?

He sits down across from me. Rain still blasting in our ears.

“So, how was Anthropology 305?” I asked to stop the awkward monotonous loudness of the rain. My fingers fidgeted with the cup.

“It was the usual. Not much.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Why is this so freaking hard!!? I really can’t stand this anymore. I straightened myself and looked straight at Eun. “So… I’m sorry I asked for a meeting so formally. But we really really just need to talk.”

“Okay.”

Really? That’s all. His eyes still staring at the floor. “Are you perhaps angry at me?” I talked gently trying to keep my cool.

“No no, how could I possibly be?”

“Maybe because you are no longer freaking responding to me like you usually do,” I responded loudly without meaning to.

“I’m just tired, okay. This is how I am when I’m tired.”

Yeah, right? I wasn’t born yesterday. “Being tired must’ve turned you into a stone statue then.” I jabbed. After a few moments of no response, I continued, “look, I can see you running around and talking to people with that stupid fake smile of yours okay!”

“Fake smile!!? Do you even know what I’m going through?” He shouted finally. His eyes bolted straight at mine, both his hands in fist on the table.

“No?” I whispered.

Eun stood up and slammed his hands on the table. “I’m so sorry your life is going so well and you’re so happy. And you always hopelessly shower me with love. But that’s just not where I am mentally right now okay!!!”

I opened my mouth to say something but my gut told me stop. Moments passed us by. “Okay, understood.”

He sits down. “Nala, I’m sorry for shouting. Things are just really complicated. And I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I feel like I have no control over anything. I’m just trying to survive and I hate it.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?’

“It’s because…”

I waited for him to say something. But all that came was the noise of the rain and people saying their boba order. “Because?”

“I think I’m getting swept away by our relationship. I just can’t do this anymore. I need to stop and focus on myself.”

“ARE YOU SAYING WE BREAK UP?” Anger rose within me. I stood up.

“Well, I don’t know. That’s why I tried to avoid you.”

“So you think it’s better to leave me confused just because you’re confused?”

“I-I need space. I think we should call it quits for a while. You can find some other guy. I’m just not the person for you right now.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. It’s over. I was happy I got to know you Eun. I wish you the best of luck with your problems. Bye!” I picked up my cup of boba and darted out the door into the rain.

“Wait,” Eun's voice dissipates behind me.

F***. I love you. It hurts.